The Moments That Define Us

Sometimes life gives you an opportunity to declare who you are and what you stand for. Here’s a story of one such opportunity.

It was during one of my stints in corporate America that an email came through my inbox with a subject line that caught my attention. It was an invitation to a talk by a primate researcher. Primate Researcher???  I clicked on the invitation and saw that the researcher was from Harvard. Harvard has a primate lab?? Curious, I did some online research and within minutes learned that this particular lab had been cited numerous times in the recent months for cruelty to the monkeys and violations of the animal welfare act.

In one particularly egregious case, they had mistakenly sent a monkey in a cage through the scalding cage-washing machine where the poor soul was burned to death. A dozen other monkeys had died in preceding years due to things as preventable as dehydration. Harvard received slaps on the wrist from federal overseers and continued to receive millions of dollars in taxpayer-funded federal grants (over $275 million). If you let a dog die of dehydration, you’d be liable for criminal prosecution, so how was this lab still operating?

I turned my attention back to the invitation in front of me, feeling even more appalled after my brief education. It was from a senior leader in my organization and proudly sent out to thousands of people, emphasizing the HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL researcher who would soon be in our midst.

Of course I would not be attending, but did I have an obligation to do something more, and if so, what? I was fairly new at this job and am not comfortable making a scene. Yet I also firmly believe that some things are scene-worthy, and imprisoning and torturing innocent beings falls into that category.

I was looking for reasons to just quietly do my own personal boycott and move on. But there were hundreds of highly sentient beings leading lives of unspeakable suffering just a few miles from where I lived and worked. How could I go about my normal business knowing this fact and knowing I did absolutely nothing to try and stop it? This is America and if I can’t speak out, who can? I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I decided to sleep on it.

I finished the workday, went home and meditated on this conundrum. When I got really still, it became crystal clear (as it usually does). Of course I had to speak out. I think we’ve all had those moments where we hear about an atrocity such as the holocaust, and we imagine if we were present during that time that we would do something brave and helpful. Well, here was my opportunity.

The reasons not to speak out were mainly fear and ego related. I knew there was an unspoken rule that no one was supposed to publicly question the administration. This was a very top-heavy and top-down organization. I had never seen anyone publicly question a policy before. I knew this would raise many eyebrows, especially if it was done by someone as low on the totem pole as myself, and that there would likely be recrimination, with the worst-case scenario that I’d be fired.

Plus, what was I trying to accomplish? Did I think that my lone voice would cancel the invitation or shut down the lab? I couldn’t worry about the outcome; I could only do my part and speak my truth and let the chips fall where they may.

I decided I’d rather be homeless and jobless and have my integrity than be someone who didn’t stand up for those who could not speak for themselves. So the next morning, I did it. I hit “reply all” to the email and respectfully expressed my concerns about this invitation and gave them the reasons why, including links to the relevant articles documenting the recent abuses. The whole thing was only 3 or 4 sentences long and meant to be informative.

I was hoping that my courage would encourage others to also come forward publicly. I couldn’t be the only one feeling this way. Not one person did. I saw people giving me curious glances in the halls and avoiding me. They knew as well as I did that this action would  not be well received and that retaliation would be coming.

I was feeling at peace with my decision, watching it all play out with a detached curiosity. Soon the public rebuttal came, in the form of a long-winded, accusatory and defensive email. Next came the request/demand for a private meeting with me.

I sat and calmly listened before speaking my piece, which started with this:

“Let me tell you a little bit about who you hired. These are the things that matter to me…”

I ended with this:

“If you ever ask me to choose between who I am and what I do for work, I’ll come down on the side of who I am every single time.”

It was a stalemate. I wouldn’t apologize for my action and said I’d do it exactly the same if the situation arose again.

A few weeks later, I was scrolling through my morning emails when I saw something else about primate research. My heart sank, but I clicked on the email. Time seemed to slow down as I read the words:
”This talk has been postponed until further notice.”

I couldn’t believe it. I can’t remember another talk being cancelled at the last-minute. I went into the bathroom and sobbed. Did my action play a part in this? I liked to think so, but it really didn’t matter. This talk was not happening in my backyard after all. And maybe my words inspired others to look more closely at this issue.

A few weeks later, another email came regarding the Harvard primate research lab, this time to announce (in another shocking turn of events) that they were closing!

I felt proud, vindicated and, most of all, happy for us as a species that we are making some progress and for the monkeys who would hopefully soon be freed from suffering.

Never think that your voice doesn’t matter; that one person can’t make a difference. You can’t do everything but you can do something. Know who you are and what you stand for, and come down on the side of that, every time.

The rest will take care of itself.

All the small voices put together can move mountains, bring down systems, and create true and meaningful change in the world. What is one step you can take today to stand up for what you believe in?

The time is NOW.

Thank you for reading. Together we can rise and create a more peaceful world.

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