Earlier this month I arrived back in my “happy place” of Sedona, AZ. I had just arrived the night before and had the whole month stretched out before me. The place I was staying in was even more gorgeous and peaceful than it looked online and was right on the creek. The weather was perfect. And since it was the first Saturday night of the month, all the art studios in the neighboring town of Jerome were open and celebrating. I had been to this event in Jerome once before and loved it. I was so looking forward to going again and was cruising towards the mile-high, mountain-town with the sun setting, singing along to a great song on the radio and feeling like everything was going right with the world. I was content and oh-so-happy.
Then I saw it…the flashing lights in my rear view mirror. An unmarked police car was pulling me over. My mind immediately started in with the negative thoughts:
- Seriously??? Doesn’t he have anything better to do? Shouldn’t he be catching actual criminals committing actual crimes?
- This is a rental car, what if I’m banned from ever renting a car in AZ again?
- What if there’s an extra charge from the rental car company?
- I don’t even know where the registration is.
- I don’t have extra money to pay a ticket right now.
- What if it makes my insurance go up?
- What if I have to go to court? I think they sometimes do that to out-of-town motorists as a way to get more money out of them.
And on and on it went. All this was before he even approached my car!
I handed over my license and registration and then proceeded to sit and wait while the officer did whatever they do in their car before they give you the ticket.
It was during this waiting period that it suddenly hit me. I went from being totally happy to totally miserable in an instant. What had changed? Suddenly I was curious about this, as I know these situations are opportunities for growth and another step towards freedom.
I stopped and took a deep breath before looking clearly at what had happened.
The facts were that another person flashed some lights at me, I pulled my car over and handed him some pieces of paper. That’s it. Everything else was a story that I was telling myself. I could see that the suffering was coming from the meaning that I had assigned to these objective facts. I took another deep breath. Now that I had recognized this, how did I want to proceed? After all, I hadn’t even gotten the ticket yet.
As I contemplated how to disentangle myself from the thoughts that were the actual cause of my suffering, it came to me that it would be a good idea to practice some mindful self-compassion. I inhaled some compassion for myself, for getting hooked so quickly and completely. I exhaled out some compassion for the officer. I had demonized him at first but he’s just another human, on his own path and doing the best he can with what he has. I held an image of him in my mind’s eye. His uniform was ill-fitting and he seemed a bit lonely to me. I sent him some more compassion. I genuinely wished him well. I did this for a few breaths and then felt clear enough to contemplate other possibilities.
The worst-case scenario was that I would have to pay a large amount of money for a ticket and possibly have some complications with the rental car and my insurance. I knew none of these things were the end of the world. Best-case scenario was that I’d be on my way shortly with a warning.
In either case, there really was no need for such mental drama. I decided to just spend the rest of the time waiting doing my compassion practice. I was actually feeling quite calm and genuinely curious about the outcome as the officer made his way back to the vehicle.
As he approached me, he removed his sunglasses which he had been wearing the entire time. He was holding a piece of paper so I assumed I was getting a ticket. He stopped at my window and looked me in the eye. I thought that he seemed kind. He said, “I don’t know why, but I’m only giving you a warning.”
I drove on and proceeded to enjoy the evening in Jerome. Did my mindfulness practice have anything to do with his decision to give me a warning and not a ticket? I will never know for sure and I certainly wasn’t doing it to manipulate the outcome. But I do believe that others can feel the vibration that we’re putting out. It’s better for everyone, most importantly ourselves, to not surrender our happiness to unnecessary negative and intrusive thoughts.
Stop and question your negative thoughts. If they’re not serving you, choose something else. You always have a choice. You can choose freedom over suffering in any moment. Mindfulness practice is not so that you can control your thoughts, but so that your thoughts don’t control you.
Wishing you a compassion filled day,
Erin
