When a Mindfulness Teacher Loses her Cool

With all of the busyness of modern life, I sometimes have to remind myself to prioritize my mindfulness practice. It can be tempting to let it slide; to think I don’t *need* to sit and practice everyday. I’ll just plan to be mindful.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. It’s like planning to go to the gym and thinking we will still get the benefits; or saying, ‘No, I don’t need to actually exercise, because I plan to be fit all day long.”

Good luck with that. Yes, everyday mindfulness is super important but it needs to spring from an actual practice.

Reactivity and Anger

My point was proven about 8 years ago. At the time, I was commuting almost 2 hours each way to my job in and out of Boston. I would get up before dawn, work a long day and get home after dark exhausted and hungry.

For the first time in years, I did let my formal mindfulness practice slide. I thought I had enough meditation time under my belt that it wouldn’t matter if I actually practiced or not.

And then one day someone started yelling and swearing at me in the parking lot for some alleged infraction. Before I even knew what was happening, I swore back at him and let him have it.

I shocked myself. Not because I stuck up for myself and set boundaries (because I’ve been known to do that), but because this happened without my conscious consent.

It was lightening fast. That’s how reactivity is. It just waits, lurking, those old patterns and habits so well ingrained, those well worn neural pathways so familiar.

Taken to an extreme, I can imagine that this kind of reactivity is what can lead to violent encounters, and then conversations about ‘pleading insanity.’ Is it insanity or just an untrained, reactive mind? The line is fuzzy.

Luckily, I could immediately see clearly what had happened and investigated the encounter non-judgmentally. And then I decided I needed/wanted to get back to my mindfulness practice, no matter how tired I was.

Your pattern might be a little different. You might blame yourself in such situations (“I can’t do anything right!”), or keep quiet in the moment but ruminate on the situation for days (“What a jerk that guy was!”).

All of these patterns are maladaptive in that they create unnecessary suffering for us.

I knew I needed regular mindfulness practice to make space in the challenging moments to respond skillfully.

And thus dispelled the myth that I could think my way into the benefits of mindfulness.

Moments Matter

Author Annie Dillard says how we spend our days is how we spend our lives. And I say that how we spend our moments is how we spend our days.

Are you tending lovingly and carefully to your moments?

Or are you missing many of them in the flurry of busy-ness and distractions that the world serves up? Have you gotten stuck in old patterns of worry and catastrophizing that cast a negative cloud over even what should be a happy time?

Contemplative practices like mindfulness offer up another, more empowered way of being in relationship with life. Studies show that just 8 weeks of regular practice can literally rewire the brain in important ways.

Unfortunately, the world around us shows no signs of becoming peaceful and calm anytime soon. It is more important than ever to cultivate our inner resources.

Here is a super short practice I created for you to drop-in and connect with yourself right now. Close your eyes and give yourself 3 minutes to just BE.

If you engaged in that practice, you likely saw how the internal landscape can shift pretty quickly. In fact, it’s shifting all the time.

Mindfulness practice helps us see ourselves more clearly, which is the first step in freeing ourselves from the bonds of old conditioning and learned reactivity.

If you want more structure and support, I have a 10-week online group starting soon.

Here are some kind words from a recent participant:

“Having been introduced to mindfulness in the mid 1970’s I find that my daily practice waxes and wanes. Taking Erin’s class re-invigorated me and reminded me that a mental/emotional/spiritual check-up (or check-in) is as important to maintaining my health as my annual visit with my family practice MD.
I loved the history of the mindfulness philosophy that Erin and her guest presenters wove into the course. I have benefited from the leadership of many teachers over the years and I have to say that Erin is extraordinarily talented.. I think I had a mini-withdrawal when the 10 weeks ended.”

Come blow your own mind with what you’re capable of doing and who you’re capable of being. Click here for more info.

Here’s to your liberation. 💛

Wishing you well and cheering you on,

Erin

Mary Oliver